Why Me?

Saturday March 24, 2012

Hello again everyone,

Hope you are all ok and life is treating you well. The sun is shining on this beautiful Saturday morning and although we all share our current dilemma I must admit I am feeling extremely happy.

August the 17th is a memorable date in my calendar as it was the day my daughter, Charlotte, was born and last year we should have been celebrating her 17th birthday. However news was just coming through that a friend of mine had been killed by a shark whilst on his honeymoon and swimming in the sea in the Seychelles as his new bride was watching from the golden beaches. Only four weeks after celebrating their beautiful wedding day Gemma was following her husband Ian’s coffin back into the same church and she had every right to ask the question “why me?”

We all know the terrible stories of late where the Belgium children returning home after enjoying a wonderful ski trip in Switzerland had their lives cut short in a terrible coach crash and the awful story only last week from Toulouse in France where 7 lives were cut short in horrific fashion by a fanatical gunman. Their families had every right to ask that same question “why Me?” especially after the deaths of such young children.

“You must think why me” I was asked the other day after discussing my situation with a friend but to his surprise my answer was “I haven’t once had that feeling even though at times things have been difficult to deal with”. Using the previous stories as an example it didn’t take long for him to understand my train of thought and he fully admired my mental strength. Asked how I could have such strength, determination and laugh in the face of adversity I explained that life experience has given me this resolve and it is following on from this conversation I decided to share it with you all.

When I was in my early 20′s my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer and after a long and often painful fight against the disease she unfortunately passed away. I found it very difficult to deal with at the time and struggled to get my head around the loss as we were extremely close and she was a lovely person. However to protect her children she had kept us in the dark about her predicament and I had very little knowledge of her situation. Following my diagnosis in November I decided I would keep everyone fully informed on all fronts, wether it be the treatment or the after effects or the prognosis from the specialists and I am very open to questions. This has definitely helped everyone deal with the situation and none more so than my fantastic daughter who after the initial shock has been fantastic.

Two years ago as the family where looking forward to the Christmas celebrations my father was unfortunately and unexpectedly admitted to the local hospital with what we all thought was a heart attack. We had no connection and he couldn’t recognise any of us and after spending the whole of Christmas at his bed side he passed away on the 27th of December. As we all walked away from the room where he spent his last days I found myself thinking how strange I had know this man for over 40 years and they just close the door and thats that and it would be the last I would see my wonderful father. Following this experience it made me realise just how important life is and how we should never take things for granted as life has a way of biting you in the backside. I hadn’t had the chance to say goodbye to my father or to pass on my love as he couldn’t respond at the time.

This is my reason for never thinking WHY ME? and although it may seem I have had some very sad times in my life I have also had some lovely times and still have plenty of opportunity to share my love and joy with all around me and to make sure I live life as full as is possible even though I have the slight issue of cancer hanging over my head.

Take care everyone, stay positive and embrace life,

Love

John x

John Ellison
England